The Homemade Demo

by Giant Baby

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about

Recorded from December 2007 to April 2008, "The Homemade Demo" collects, for the very first time in one convenient downloadable album, the original fifteen songs that exploded out of Giant Baby's first recording frenzy. Join Captain Fun, Charlie Slick, Doktor Heisenberg, and Johnny Goodtimes as they scatter genres like startled pigeons and shamelessly mingle lo-fi experiments with epic adventures. This rare collection also features once-in-a-lifetime guest appearances by Kristin Blank, Cait Stuff, and Awesome Indie Disco Sound, and is a must-have for all true Giant Baby fanatics. From the abandoned steel mills of Pittsburgh to the vermin-infested slums of Brooklyn, admirers and detractors alike declare, "No man can beat them, no woman can tame them, no drug can kill them, they are Giant Fucking Baby!"

Giant Baby is:
Captain Fun
Charlie Slick
Doktor Heisenberg
Johnny Goodtimes

credits

released May 1, 2008

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Giant Baby Brooklyn, New York

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Track Name: Tesla's Electric Ghost
Fuck that bastard Marconi
And Alexander Graham Bell can blow me
Give us the apparition as mad as the Barbary Coast
We want Tesla's Electric Ghost

Tesla's Electric Ghost
Tesla's Electric Ghost
He's coming tonight
so flicker the light
for Tesla's Electric Ghost

Prepare the Fruit Loops and macadamia nuts
it's time to shake this country out of its rut
Bring about some old-fashioned Glasnost
With the help of Tesla's Electric Ghost

Tesla's Electric Ghost
Tesla's Electric Ghost
He's coming tonight
so flicker the light
for Tesla's Electric Ghost

But before we reach for the bong
it's time to separate the weak from the strong
let's surf the Ouija board and raise a hearty toast
let's conjure up Tesla's Electric Ghost

We've been waiting all year
For that genius to appear
Invented all the things that we love the most
Here comes Tesla's Electric Ghost
Track Name: Ninja at the Coffee Shop
Do you want a goddamn bagel today?
For your insolence you shall pay
Go and ahead make my ninja day
I'm the ninja at the coffee shop
I'm the ninja at the coffee shop
I'm the ninja at the coffee shop

Don't fuck with me
Don't touch my mop
I'm the ass-kicking Ninja
at the coffee Shop!

Dark roast French roast
Motherfuckin' ninja roast
I Think I'll slice your ass up
And make my famous ninja toast (x2)

I'll beat you to death
with my big wooden staff
'Cuz you're a little pussy
if you drink decaf

leave some money
in my tip jar
or I'll pin you to the wall
with a shuriken star
Just ask that pirate
how he got that scar

I'm the ninja at the coffee shop

Get back in the line
or I'll slice off your head
I can't take your order
'til the Shogun is dead

Dark roast French roast
Motherfuckin' ninja roast
I Think I'll slice your ass up
And make my famous ninja toast (x2)

Don't fuck with me
Don't touch my mop
I'm the ass-kicking Ninja
at the coffee Shop (x2)
Track Name: If You Really Loved Me, You'd Kill the Lizardmen
You tell me that you love me
that you'll always have my back
but will you stay here with me
when the Lizardmen attack?
Crawling from the murky swamps
to challenge our romance
Can I count on you to ride shotgun,
or will you scream and shit your pants?

Mortgages and babies never scared you away
But when we fight the Lizardmen, will you join the fray?
Marriage is conditional, or it don't mean a thing
If you can't fight off a reptile, then you don't get a ring

The Doktor's got his shotgun,
Captain's got his battle axe
Johnny's got a cannon
And Charlie brought his gat
Giant Baby's packin' action
And there's a gun for you
Will you stay and save the city
or run crying to your room?

Mortgages and babies never scared you away
But when we fight the Lizardmen, will you join the fray?
Marriage is conditional, or it don't mean a thing
If you can't fight off a reptile, then you don't get a ring

Baby are you gonna stay or go? Because ever since George Washington's army teamed up with the Navajo and the Cherokee and chased those Lizardmen abominations back into the murky Okefenokee swamp, they've been waiting for us to grow complacent and weak and take back the nation. So I want you to shoot the first Lizardman you see right in the face, and take your biggest kitchen knife and scrape off his skin and turn that scaly Lizardman skin into boots and a belt and a coat and wear your Lizardmanskin boots into battle so that when they see you they know you're not fucking around, now can you do that for me, baby?

Mortgages and babies never scared you away
But when we fight the Lizardmen, will you join the fray?
Marriage is conditional, or it don't mean a thing
If you can't fight off a reptile, then you don't get a ring
Track Name: Sick Boy
Once there was
a group of five men
and they all got in the tub
four of them died
but the one that survived
said, "That’s what I call love"

Oh sick boy
Oh sick boy
Oh sick boy

He was sick
as a child his prick
got washed in the washing machine
’cause his mother was
a devout Catholic
and claimed his ways unclean

Oh sick boy
Oh sick boy
Oh sick boy

In a world
of terrors untold
’cause they’re too dark to see
his life is just
a second guess
and a violent fantasy

Oh sick boy
Oh sick boy
Oh sick boy

He was my son
he was my lover
he looked just like Danny Glover
only violent and malignant
with a slightly lighter pigment
on his skin
wrong as sin

Oh sick boy
Oh sick boy
Oh sick boy

When will you learn
you can only burn
for so long on both ends
and if you kill
everyone you fuck
then you won’t have many friends

Oh sick boy
Oh sick boy
Oh sick boy

You’ll go to jail.
Track Name: When Your Boyfriend's Dead (Featuring Cait Stuff)
When your boyfriend’s dead I’ll have a shot
So what if I ain’t got what he’s got
When he’s dead in the ground and you leave him to rot
I’m gonna have my chance with you

You say you’re getting bored, but you won’t leave him for me
You’ve got comfort and security
I can’t honestly say that I disagree
I’d probably do the same thing, too

But when your boyfriend’s dead I’ll have a shot
So what if I ain’t got what he’s got
When he’s dead in the ground and you leave him to rot
I’m gonna have my chance with you

You may think that I sound insane
But he could get cancer in his brain
Or get blown away by a hurricane
Yes I think you know it’s true

Yeah baby he could go at anytime
By suicide or a violent crime
Fall off a bridge into contaminated slime
And you’ll be single, good as new

Yeah when your boyfriend’s dead I’ll have a shot
So what if I ain’t got what he’s got
When he’s dead in the ground and you leave him to rot
I’m gonna have my chance with you
Track Name: Too Many Cops (The Sad Fable of Otis the Fuzzy Brown Bear)
Otis was a fuzzy brown bear
Woke from hibernating in his cavernous lair

Sleeping all winter long now, he gets the munchies
Wants a pot of honey, wants to smoke up some leaves

Sees that yellow sun, and he wants to have some fun
A policeman's walking to his door, now run, Otis, run

Gonna sing a little story about Otis,
The fuzzy bear's gonna get beaten down
And everywhere that he looks around,
He sees
Too many cops, too many cops, too many cops
Now run, run, Otis, run

Otis, he escapes with a dash
Sits down and pulls out his stash
Sees party-wreckin' coppers coming down every path

Hides in a bush 'til the coast looks clear
Sees cops marching in riot gear
Our hungry little buddy has got the fear

There'll be no pic-a-nics today for Otis, no,
No cake, no coffee, no pie
The Vice Squad beat him to a bloody pulp
And left him there to die

Gonna sing a little story about Otis,
Our poor little buddy's gettin' beaten down
And everywhere that he looks around,
He sees
Too many cops, too many cops, too many cops
Now run, run, Otis, run
Run, Otis, run, run, run
Track Name: Applesauce and Toast
Applesauce and toast
Applesauce and toast
Applesauce applesauce
Applesauce applesauce
Applesauce and toast
Applesauce and toast
The time is right for applesauce and toast
Track Name: New Song
Let’s read the Family Circus
in the middle of a circle jerk
let’s read Nietzsche
and not go to work

Let’s talk about the Christ
and sip chamomile tea
while I think of curious ways
to introduce you to my pee-pee

Let’s get sushi and not pay
fuck sluts until we turn gay
let’s worship the devil for kicks
burn the candle down to the wick

I hear angel dust is rockin’
looks like your sister needs a good cock in
her nether region
now we are legion

I like puddin’ and raspberries too
like Horton I’m hearing a Who
this blow is making me sick
I cut off my thumb for kicks

I once loved a woman who was a Jew
she liked Bibble Babble and Fiddle Faddle too
when it got too serious I went to the loo
and drank a bottle of Jäger and Dewar’s too

All these women here are like nuns
they won’t let you penetrate their buns
so we eat White Castle and get the runs
then we drink Michelob like Huns

I want a woman who reads Rollins
and can doublefist a Pabst and a Collins
smoke me up with pot from Holland
then ride me like Lynch rode Mulholland

She said she loved Thom Yorke
yet she would never touch pork
I said, "well, can you get a handle on this?"
and then brother, did we have a bris!
Track Name: Ninja on the Bandwagon
Ninja on the band wagon
he's got his feet draggin'
don't wanna do no kicks

ninja on the band wagon
wants to do all his braggin'
about his guitar licks

ninja with Mick Jagger lips
destroying pirate ships
but he would rather sing

combating piracy
upon the seven seas
is no longer his thing

ninja wants the fame game
riding the gravy train
into a sack of blow

house is full of water slides
he's got like thirty rides
and his own pick of hoes

ninja on the tour bus
he slept with all the sluts
and now he's got the clap

did 'em in the asshole
he's got rock in his soul
and he does not like rap

ninja on the band wagon
he's sick of killing dragons
in realms the world can't see

ninja on the band wagon
he smokes like half a bag in
a Chinese grocery

law on the ninja's tail
they'll never find his trail
he used a smoke grenade

playing on his rock guitar
he's gonna make it far
he's gonna have it made
Track Name: Marbles With Jimmies
Marbles with Jimmies,
Marbles with Jimmies,
Marbles with Jimmies for sale

I want the kids
to choke to death
and rot in a garbage pail

Marbles with jimmies
marbles with jimmies
marbles with jimmies for sale

I wanted a plan
to lure children
and kill them without fail

marbles with jimmies
marbles with jimmies
marbles with jimmies for sale

eat them quick
'til you get sick
Cause I'll soon go to jail.
Track Name: Katja (The GB Boogie)
Pretty little lady from a Russian suburb,
Long long way from home
Sipping vodka tonics in a campus tavern
She’s sitting all alone

Crying out her eyes into a mystery novel
Two tables from where we are
But there’s some extra space on the Captain’s knee
It’s more fun than where you are

You don’t have to sit all by your lonesome
With your books and pens
Come along and have a drink with Giant Baby
We’ll be your new best friends

Katja
Katja

Have another drink with Giant Baby
Sing a little song with Giant Baby
Do a little dance with Giant Baby
Ride on a pony with Giant Baby

Take it away, Captain!

Oh Katja
Katja

You don’t have to spend your time walking down dead ends
’Cause Giant Baby’s gonna be your new best friends

Katja
Katja
Katja

Get into a car with Giant Baby
Eat a cheese sandwich with Giant Baby
Smoke a little smoke with Giant Baby
Oh, have another drink with Giant Baby

No, you don’t have to spend your time walking down dead ends
’Cause Giant Baby’s gonna be your new best friends

Katja
Katja
Katja

Come on over now, Katja

Katja
Katja

Take us home, Captain Fun
Oh yeah
Track Name: I'd Rather Have Scotch Than You (Featuring Kristin Blank)
Sittin’ in a bar on a Friday night
You came to my table and I gave you a light
You smiled at me, and I smiled too
But I gotta tell you girl
That I’d rather have Scotch than you

I’d rather have Scotch than you

My friends are saying, “Man, you could totally screw her”
But a guy just can’t deny a ginger ale with Dewar’s
You’re sending me signals, I know what to do
But I gotta tell you girl
That I’d rather have Scotch than you

I’d rather have Scotch than you

You’ve been so sweet that I just have to confess
Any other night and you know I’d say yes
But if I have to choose, then you already knew
that I don’t mean to offend you
But I’d rather have Scotch than you

I’d rather have Scotch than you
Track Name: The Man Who Drank Twelve Beers (Featuring Awesome Indie Disco Sound)
the man who drank 12 beers
within three hours
the man who drank 12 beers
and did not shower

the priests called his name
the women knew his shame
but he would not stop ever
until he'd finished his game

the man who drank 12 beers
he did not cower
the man who drank 12 beers
such massive power

have you ever had 12 beers
and 15 cigarettes within 3 hours?
he did, that madman
and then he drank a pistachio martini

the man who drank 12 beers
without knowing a woman
the man who drank 12 beers
would you want to be him? no man!

the man who drank 12 beers
quarter life crisis
the man who drank 12 beers
then worshiped Isis

the man who drank 12 beers
12 beers? sounds gay to me
pass me some Skoal